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If you said yes to your parents and have yet to say yes to a boy, this read is for you!

In India, arranged marriage is the only legit one, if at all you found Laila-Majnu wala love, which is damn lucky.  Love or arranged, there is no data that says one is better than the other, they both have equal struggles. 

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While arranged marriage is obviously not a pride choice for many, we end up to this more often than not. Then you must have asked this question:

How do I know he is the one, having spent a few minutes for a chai?”

Apart from explaining how unfortunate they were at our age, do they ever told you a solution?! If yes, then give a standing ovation to them. If not join my club.

So, what is actually you should be asking the boy in the first meeting, to consider marrying him?

I asked this question to many, some said, financial stability, some said personality, and some said his family situations! 

So, I figured out, what to ask the boy in the first meeting!

Do you want to know? Read on:

What he really wants from a marriage/ wife

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This is crucial I must say! Ask him straight about his expectations and needs from a partner

  • Whether he wants a partner who just takes care of his family or kids? Or a working woman? 
  • Does he want kids or not? Is he conservative? Is he an attention and care seeker? 
  • Is he expecting to share the financial burden of the family or does he wants to be the sole breadwinner of the family?
  • Is he looking for love and respect in the marriage? or is he marrying just out of pressure from the family and society?

If his answer matches yours, then he could be a prominent topic for discussion in your girls’ group!

His likes and dislikes

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Opposite attracts! I am not buying it. As far as i can tell you from my married life experience, this isn’t the case. Although marriage demands understanding and accepting each other’s differences, if you are not compatible, it won’t really work.

  • Mind you, from his likes and dislikes you can easily judge their personality and attitude. 
  • Ask him about his food, travel, and holiday preferences among all. Think if it matches with yours or you can accept them or he can accept yours.
  • Ask him about his views and perspective on life, equality and social issues? Find whether he is considerate, ethical, kind and humorous.
  • You can also ask about his taste in relationships and find out if he is compatible or not.
  • like if he loves dogs and you hate dogs, that could be a problem. So try to know the general likes and dislikes of each other if not all.

What is his relationship with his parents and responsibilities

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If not everywhere, in India, as the famous say goes, marriage is also a confluence of two families? And we mostly follow a patrilocal( couples live with the husband’s parents) system.

  • So knowing beforehand his responsibilities and commitment towards his family is a bonus
  • Ask him whether he stays with his parents? If yes, try to know his family characteristics, values and customs they follow, religious and spiritual commitments etc 
  • If he is not staying with his parents, know which city he is staying? Is it okay for you to shift with him abroad or to random cities? 
  • Also know how tightly bonded he is with his family members and friends in general if he is an introvert or extrovert if he has commitment issues, etc. 

Usually, I am not generalising, a man with good family background and a healthy relationship treats you with respect and care. Also, by asking all of this you can roughly make a compatibility chart with this boy

What are his career and personal goals

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A man who holds high thoughts and dreams is always more desirable than one who is ignorant and irresponsible towards life. 

  • Although this is not a job interview, it is fine to ask about his career and personal goals and dreams, without sounding so serious!
  • Know if he is a growth-loving and productive person or a fun-loving, easy-going person who goes with the flow. 
  • Try to know about his job, organisation, work stress and commitments, that way it is easy for you to understand his professional whereabouts and workload.
  • Also, ask him about his passion and hobbies, you can tell him yours.

If anything here is contradictory, or non-negotiable, then swipe right and meet another one.

His everyday routine and social life

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Now, i don’t have to explain how much important it is to ask these questions. I mean, girl, you are going to live with him, if you said yes. 

  • So it is dire you ask him about his routine and social life where you also get some hints about this person’s habits, choices, productivity and attitudes.
  • know whether he is an early bird or night owl, know he is a party animal or reserved or private person or a friendly fun loving person
  • I mean if you are a vibrant and fun-loving person, can you live with a conservative, very serious individual? So ask him about all of that.
  • Albeit, anyone’s past doesn’t have to be discussed, if possible, knowing his past relationships you can know whether he was possessive, toxic etc
  • Know his social stands, regarding social issues, responsibilities, and feminism etc, because, his ethos and values do matter.

These are just a few questions to start with. But, always remember, you can ask them all your questions before you settle to say the big yes. So, I would say first set your preferences and ask him about that, if it matches and is acceptable go for it, if not, you know what to do!

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“You marry only once or marriage is a lifelong indestructible bond or the worst you should at any worse stay in the marriage, so choose the right one”

Ever felt this unduly, unethical pressure? You don’t have to. While every choice we make in our life is a special one, it doesn’t always have to be right. We fail and rise. So why marriage has to be different? If you feel undervalued, and suffocated in your marriage, mind you, you always have a way out. Never tolerate a toxic relationship of any sort, please. 

At the same time learn to give your partner time to understand you, love you, and try to do the same from your end. it doesn’t always have to be a fairy tale to be a good marriage. 

Rest, you do you do girl!

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Aswetha Anil

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